It's That Time Again

Once every so often, for whatever reason, I'll revisit the music that I made from around 2006 - 2009ish. I always can't believe how much is happen with the songs. They are predominately instrumental crazy paced ska tracks. The amount of time I put into these is so absurd, but it's no where near the time I've put into these new songs... I think it's too much time. It's like the songs, in my mind, don't know where to sit. I've completely lost the concept of the original vibes, which is kinda upsetting and they kinda make me feel sick. To the point where I never want to hear them again. I'm sure a lot of musicians must feel like this after the glow of the initial inspiration wears off. I was reading something on some blog the other week who OH! it was an interview with Stanley Kubrick and he was saying that it's so easy to loose perspective and to always trust that initial feeling you had at the time of creation/concept and to keep going regardless of how you now feel about the concept currently. It was the first time in awhile that something struck me to once again pick myself up, get over the absolute horror of having to hear these old Paul's for the millionth time.

I kinda got off track there a little. I was really thinking while listening to these old songs (there are albums worth) that I had such passion and control to work on them for so long and to build up so many unique parts. I mean shit some of these tracks have so many intricate horn, organ, bass, synth parts that I dunno how I even came up with them let alone had the motivation to make so many. Oh yeah! It was because I was constantly excited that I could actually make music all day and night, every day and night while at MAINZ (Music and Audio Institute of New Zealand). MIDI truly blessed my soul and for a good many years and I fucking milked the shit outta it haha. I think that excitement wore off about half way into 2011 and I've never really reclaimed it since. I also didn't really care what the actual  production was like, I just threw instruments together and it kinda worked out. I'm now OBSESSED with the production being sublime and anything less is UNACCEPTABLE. Truly. I'll work on a synth sound for hours, days, months and never be happy. The pain of not being able to get what's in my head out. The artists torture haha. I guess that's the point, that's the exercise of life in general. To just be content with how things are at the present, to be able to know that your expected perfect future is an illusion on the mind and to get upset when things turn out differently is a bit silly since variation is inevitable. Things will change, people's minds will warp and contour the sounds, lyrics and art so I mean no one will ever hear it the same so just let it go and relax. I feel better now :)

I can't wait to let these songs go.

Peace!


 

5 Years Unemployed

5 Years Unemployed

I am a crack in society

Born into the static of minds without direction

Anger and rage consumes a generation

Ours will not be the same because you are here to change...

What does success mean to you as a person?

Wield the reigns.

Flooded. Our souls saturated remorse

How could could something so beautiful fall so far off course?

It really is an illusion and I know you can see it

Because these sentences challenge the heart to believe it

I’ve missed writing lyrics because I fear they'll be rejected

"He was so much cooler on Full Body Tourettes"

Now it’s all fluff... the depressed verses were better

It’s funny because those lyrics were written in times of abundance.

You said I saved your life.... that's fucking amazing!

Now my mind feels much responsibility to save you

The pressure within has sheltered me from the voice inside I trusted as my guide.

Under my skin locusts scavenge for wings

The harvest spoiled by complements from friends.

Genuine Happiness & The Battle Within

Far out! It's been a couple weeks since I did one of these. I had a few ideas on what to write on but usually it's when I'm inebriated and at a party or a drinks. I'm  far greater at getting across my ideas when in those spaces. I love sharing the energy people have at parties and it seems to trigger a dipping of the mind into the extreme positive, usually.

I am thinking of possibly doing a Podcast type thing at one point. Hayden, myself and a friend did actually try one of these but it turned out to be close to 3 hours of unlistenable nonsense.

*Day happens*

I'm back. Took a big ass break. I guess it's like 6 hours later. 22:37 Tuesday. Today was a good day. Hey, it's cool to acknowledge it. We should do that more often. Out loud or in writing. We have sent off the first song to be mixed and I spoke with the audio engineer mixing it for us tonight. I am EXCITED. This album is gonna kill. I feel positive about it. There's a finish line in sight and a goal mind. They say to have goals so I write lists on the regular. The worst is when I go into my "Notes" folder on my phone to find the list empty. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS NOTHING TO DO haha. The worst part about doing stuff is trying to remember what you have to do so taking a note every time something that needs to be done pops up I have to write it down. 'Tis helpful as hell and it feels good to get it down. Dopamine, yo! I also think I might be over analysing to much and the note taking is over the top but hell if it helps me to navigate this body with a conscious through the ether then I'm all for it. Do what you have to do.

Next up iiiiiis, hmm, Oh yeah! This is defo one of those things I ponder and you may as well. Ugh, I hate now trying to get some feeling across via words. I'm really hoping there's some kinda meta consciousness in this script which embodies the feeling onto itself purely through my concentrated lathering of the text with intent. That's the word I'm looking for!

A story will do the trick. On the weekend, Saturday night, we went out to our good friends house. A farewell party! I love the parting phrase "farewell" I truly hope you do fare well. He's off to a foreign land, well for him it's his homeland but let's just say "off to a new home a good few flights away." His parents house where we spent so many ridiculously crazy nights still held so many memories. I met people here who stumbled upon my path in such major ways. Many friends. Many smiles. And a shit load of dancing. God damn I used to get down, I really do miss dancing with the vigor I once did. The energy was elevating, I lost myself in dance, it's why I play ska. We dance, yo!

*Piss break*

I feel guilty being genuinely happy for people because there's a voice in my head that says the reason I'm happy for them is so I gain some Universal karma and good things will come my way. As in if I try to be kind and make an effort to be genuinely friendly to my fellow beings it will push my life in a better direction. "Better" the joke is everything is amazing right now. I mean I have fresh air to breathe, a family that loves me, a girl that means the world to me and hers to mine, food to eat. Hell! a massive selection of food to eat, I have the leisure to craft an album to the point it looses all perspective. I'm so god damn lucky. Maybe this is where the guilt comes from. It's not over bearing but rather a laugh at Paul "haha he thinks this act will help". Haha.

Oh man, this is too funny I was trying to get that out for ages. Cheers everyone for reading! As usual the new song for the "3am Sessions" is below!

PEACE!

"Apple Tree"

This track is pretty old now. It's one of my favourite songs I've ever written. It was meant to be a part of the Vanilla Sea project I was working on but it never developed as it's extremely time consuming. There are 6 or so songs for an EP, maybe more. I'll release the demo versions over time for you.

I love the chorus lyric. It's surely how we all feel most of the time haha. Enjoy!

SONG HERE!

Sinking Dreaming

Hello Friends!

Welcome to the second NG blog post! Admittedly I have been a lil nervous the last week about doing a follow up to the first but fuck it here we go!

Firstly, I really appreciated all the messages the band and myself received after the last post and it really has put things into perspective. Some of you had really cool ideas about how to tackle the final push of the new album project and I'm happy to say that 7 songs are almost entirely tracked and ready for mixing! That is not to say that the remaining 5 or so are much further behind either. This makes me very happy, the torture is nearly over ;)

Ok, now I'll just do the usual ramble. Last week the day after the blog I was incredibly stiff and emotionally shot but it enabled me to let everything out and I felt a lot of relief afterwards. There's something about being in pain that puts you into the present a lot like laughter does. It's weird. Pain is a strange thing for us humans to deal with and when I'm in the extremes of emotional grief there's something strangely comforting about allowing it to flow violently through the body and out into the ether.

A couple weekends ago I went out for an Italian dinner with friends and naturally we were drunk and going out to a bar to party afterwards. So that's the scene. Anyways somehow I ended up looking at my facebook posts from, shit, like 4 or 5 years ago and something struck me almost instantly and it was the number or "likes" the posts had. Almost none. Maybe two or three and no comments. I dunno what it was but that feeling of epiphany washed over me and I realised how fucking programmed I am to skim down feeds eyes darting between the name of the poster and the likes/comments they/it/the band have received as if I need validation that the content is good before bothering to invest the 5 seconds needed to judge for myself. But what i was seeing on my 2009 wall was just posting shit for fun. There was no mentality of needing likes to get high or comments to boost my self esteem. It was really refreshing to see how carefree I was. I realise that we forget like 99% of the past and the memories we recall are also deluded, remade and altered every time we remember stuff so it's not a fair call to say everything was sweet but fuck it I made that call. I am totally aware that I can become depressed over the smallest things and upsettingly it's usually others success via fucking Facebook. I don't mean to say I get angry or am jealous as I am almost always happy to see people flourishing and doing well but it does depresses me and THAT is what bothers me. I get sad that IT makes me sad hahaha. What a ridiculous cycle to be caught in and there's such an easy way out. STOP USING SOCIAL MEDIA. Yeah... right...?

Ok I'm coming to my point I swear. The idea is that, to be very "American" for a second, there is a "War on loneliness". We're so hooked into sites like Twitter, Facebook and Reddit and we're now, usually, in the mindset of "if I post this photo" "if I release this song" "if I share this article" then I could make a connection with people and then I wouldn't feel the fucking void laughing at me from the depths of my subconscious screaming "You're eternally alone and no one knows what you're going through MWAHAHAHA." I guess the irony is that void is what connects us and we don't need validation from external persons to feel and understand that connection. It's a big ass joke and we've fallen for it so easily. Damn my brain for now being programmed to release serotonin and dopamine upon internet praise. Although I do like contributing to others ideas and posts. I should focus on the now of the friends and family around me. This is why I so rarely post on my personal wall because I see the vapidity and then it pisses me off that there's some illusion that the industry (whether it be music or otherwise) needs to see your internet popularity to determine your success and if you're Twitter feed is shite and you're plays are "low" then your worth is minimal. Fuck me!! Lets go on tour I gotta get outta this headspace. Please call me out on this shit as there are so many sides. I just don't want to play their game but I'm enabling it by being a part of it but you have to win. Catch 22. I must be wrong on this.

I love that we're more connected than ever but in a way it makes me feel LESS connected to my innate self and maybe from here our depressions and fears arise. BOOM. 

SONG:

Phew! I found this song written about 4 or so months ago and holy shit it's EXACTLY how I feel a lot of time. It should probably go on the album but I kinda like this rough version. You can listen to "Sinking Dreaming" HERE. I think I'll start putting these up on BandCamp as well so you can download them or donate if you feel inclined. Enjoy!

Thanks everyone for reading. These still make me really nervous. Ya know putting yourself out there is tough but we'll all return to the unifying source soon enough so why not ay.

PEACE!

Paul

Welcome to my world!

Hey Gaunties!

I thought it'd be cool for myself to start up a blog. I dunno what I'll cover in it. Probably a lot of ramblings on the way the band works, what's up with this infinitely long album release (it's coming I promise!), shit I'm interested in like consciousness, dream states, our place in the Universe etc. Ya know that kinda stuff... not so much gossip. Eww, gossip. So yeah, WELCOME! Please share this if you like what I have to say or think anyone else can benefit from my words.... that makes me nervous... this whole thing makes me nervous.

Ok, I'll start this one by answering (in more detail) as to why everything we do takes so fuuuucking long!

First for those who don't know we are 100% DIY. I record mix and master everything you've heard. So with that in mind, enjoy!

In a nutshell I am a perfectionist. I know people say that can be a good thing but it's also absolutely crippling. It leads me to bouts of depression and anxiety which in turn leads to extreme self doubt in my music and my ability to release this album. To me this is more than an album it's my life for the past 3 years. It's so fucking personal. I require every single aspect of each moment of the record to sound and evoke EXACTLY how I feel and hear it in my mind. If you're a creative you too will know that this already means I've set my self up for failure. Shit you don't even have to be a creative, it's inherent in a lot of people. People who want "the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship" or the perfect summer or the perfect night out and when it turns out differently like it always does you get upset. I don't suffer from the latter but artistically I do.

I am slowly releasing control of each second to just be how it is and taking extended breaks from each track helps me with that. These can be up to 2 - 3 months long without touching a song again... you can see how time is now building up very quickly seeing as we're working on 12 - 14 songs. Plus the 10's and 10's I write for fun on my own plus the millions of b-sides. And then I realise that this project is coming up to 3 years old and some songs don't fit with the new direction and sound of the album and again I doubt the project as being cohesive.

I am happy this time around, though very nervous, to be giving the tracks to an external party to mix and master! This takes a lot of pressure off but since I really want it to sound like it does in my head giving up control is tough... out sound is in the mixes and it's because I'm not the greatest mixer but LL&TD is something I'm really proud of.

To put a tiny bit more perspective on it 3 of the the Love Life & The Devil tracks (Mosquitoes, Money, Ill Informed) were in their very very rough draft forms before FBT [PT II] was even released. Haha, I actually totally lost interest in FBT while working on those tracks because to me they were just so much better. Glad we managed to get it out though!

Lastly, I am incredibly nervous about what everyone will think of the new album. It's truly a total detachment from anything previously released. I really really love it on a good day and then I think oh fuck this is too different but I can't write the same sound forever. The normal ska-punk sound gets boring for me. I've written literally 100's of these songs and to me I'm bored of my sound.... the funny thing is no one else has even heard them so it's just my personal turmoil that is holding things up. Ya know what I'll start releasing unfinished demos, rough recordings and old as hell songs for you to listen to. The first one can be found HERE!

On a really cool note we are filming the last shoot for our first ever official video clip in two weeks! It's for a track called "8 Dollars" Get excited!

 

Wow, that was refreshing. I could write for days on this but I'll end it here and come back to part II in a few days or a week or whenever, ya know.

Keep it rude everyone, love your life... even when it's tough. We are lucky to be here, even if you hate it it’s pretty cool that the Universe grew you from the earth to even have that thought.


Peace!

Paul